Do you want to know what happened? Knowing that you don’t usually get pregnant ‘just like that’, knowing that this journey may take longer as my partner and I don’t know how fertile we were, our ages might play a factor, and especially my health?
When I left behind contraception in September, hoping for some kind of pregnancy, even if it ended chemically, within at most 6 months? When I promised myself I wouldn’t be upset every month when Aunt Flow came?
What happened was I went through a withdrawal bleed from the Desogestrel mini-pill in late September. By October 21st I’d taken a test and seen a faint second line. I was ecstatic.
I’ve been so careful not to get too excited, but I’ve bought some so-called “faith purchases” anyway (in faith that the pregnancy will continue or that you’ll be pregnant if TTC), some sleep suits because I’m obsessed with toadstool ornaments and J adores foxes!
Scanxiety is real. I can’t explain how frightened I felt going into the scan. Thankfully the UK NHS let me have J with me, I wasn’t alone. I needed to know they were okay. Just tell me they’re okay, I kept thinking. That’s all. Then I can relax. Then I can finally feel validly pregnant. I can feel some safety that I will take this baby home.
I am now pregnant, 13 weeks and counting. I’ve had my scan. They said it looks good. I’ve got my miracle! After all the threats of damage, after every infertile alternative facing us – which I thoroughly believed would be true, I’m there. I’m PREGNANT.
I wasn’t expecting this Christmas ‘miracle’!
After all my health problems over the last couple of years I expected a long wait for conception and maybe even problems down the line. My partner hasn’t always been the kindest to his body and mine has a BMI over 30 already (though I believe BMI should be scrapped for more appropriate weight and height measures as this can be misleading), so I am far from perfect.
I’m not out of danger yet, but I have used an amazing site to reassure myself along the way of the risks of miscarriage and they are very low at this point. If you want to check any by how many weeks along you are, try this awesome website – Miscarriage Reassurance. I highly recommend to help ease the anxiety.
Happy Christmas to all those who celebrate it, and Happy Holidays to everybody with a hopeful look into the new year soon 2021!
Much love to you all x